As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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