take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
