so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
