New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was born a porn star she said
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
