He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
