we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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