Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
