Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
