There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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