I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
