i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
