god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
