dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
