the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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