she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
nutella sex= disaster
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
