Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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