hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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