I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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