I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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