i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
