dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
