You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
