After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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