I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
