And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
