Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
