oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
