on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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