so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
