Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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