who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
