I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
