Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
