I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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