I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
