ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
