I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
well you can't waste a boner
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
