Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
