It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
