I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
