mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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