i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
