Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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