Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
