Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
