i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
