He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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