She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
