Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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