I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
