My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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